有哪些英语小笑话？给我来十个（越短越好）

1、英语笑话（一）  

老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”   

小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?   

老师说：Go ahead.  

小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?   

老师说：Go ahead.  

小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？   

小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！   

2、英语笑话（二）  

某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hong tao liu，外宾曰：我TM还是方片七呢！   

3、英语笑话（三）  

江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻译照翻，江青心花怒 放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。  

翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where? Where?" 外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere."  

翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see."  

4、英语笑话（四）   

话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大 拇指道：「I AM后羿！」  

B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM丘比特！」  

轮到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！ 结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」   

5、英语笑话（五）  

某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry.   

老外应道：I am sorry too.   

某人听后又道：I am sorry three.   

老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?   

某人无奈，道：I am sorry five. 

6、英语笑话（六）  

一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，TOyOTA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”又有一辆经过，他又说： “oh，NISSAN！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”司机有点不高兴，觉得他太吵了！当第三辆经过时，他还是说：“oh，HONDA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”  

后来到了机场，那个日本人就问：“How Much？”出租车司机说：“1000！”  

日本人惊奇的问司机：“为什么那么贵？”出租车司机回答说：“oh，mileometer（计 程表）！Made in Japan! It is very fast！” 

7、英语笑话（七）  

传说克林顿和教皇同一天去世，上帝搞错了，把克林顿送上了天堂，而把教皇送入了 地狱。发现错误后上帝马上改了回来，路上二人相遇。 精彩继续教皇：感谢上帝，我终于能见到圣母玛利亚了（Virgin Maria）. 克林顿（坏笑中）：Sorry，it"s too late. 

8、英语笑话（八） 

小强去看电影，到了电影售票处，发现一个老外和售票小姐连说带比得好半天，就自告奋勇的上前做翻译，售票小姐说：麻烦你告诉她，现在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要看要站着看。  

小强转头就对老外说：no sit see, stand see. if see stand see. 

老外回答说:Sorry I don’t understand your English.  

小强就对售票小姐说：哦，他说他不懂英文....

踩了一个老外的脚，为了显示咱国家是有名的礼仪之邦，就先SORRY啦，老外更是礼貌有加，就来个sorry too. 

two??the chinese puzzled.恩，咱中国人还不是得礼尚往来？！~那就I am sorry three~   这下老外蒙了，一句what are you sorry for? 

晕，还有完没完啊，还FOUR？！~哼，偶跟你卯上了，Iam sorry five~(who怕 who？！~） 

9、英语笑话（九） 

我朋友在南大看到一非洲老外：“hello，你妈是猴儿。”老外用纯正的天津话说：“你妈是大猩猩！” 

10、英语笑话（十） 

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.  "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"  "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "                     

“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”  “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

英语小笑话（带翻译）短些

1、Warning 

Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my hu**and and I decided to visit him.

I was careful to call him a few days in advance to "warn" him that we would be coming.

When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room. "Forgot we were coming, didn‘t you?" I teased.

"Are you kidding?" he replied, "Why else would I have bothered to clean?"

提醒

我们的儿子是密歇根州阿尔马大学的新生，开学几个星期之后，我和丈夫决定去看看他。我特意提前给他打**，“提醒”他我们将光临。

但是当我们来到宿舍时，他的房间凌乱不堪，我非常吃惊。“忘了我们要来，是吧?”我取笑他。

“开什么玩笑?“，他回答说，“要不我凭什么费神打扫?”

2、Ground Rules

One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor.

Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring,

so I don‘t mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they‘re still running."

基本原则

位于吉拉多海角的密苏里东南州立大学有一位我非常喜欢的老师，他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在对一个新生班级讲解他的基本原则时，

他说：“我知道我的讲课可能经常会枯燥乏味，了无生趣，所以如果你们在上课时看表我并不介意。

不过我坚决反对你们将表在课桌上猛敲看它们是不是还在走。”

3、After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests. At this point the mother thought of something and said to her son who was watching TV,

"Honey, go see if the kitchen light is on or not?"

After a while, her son returned and said, "Ma, the kitchen is so dark that I cannot see it at all."

晚饭后，父亲和母亲都忙着和客人玩麻将，这时母亲忽然想起点儿事来，便对正在看电视的儿子说道：“宝贝，去看看厨房里的灯是不是还开着呢？” 过了一会儿，儿子回来说：“妈，厨房里太黑了，我根本就看不见。”

4、Young hopeful：“Father，what is a traitor in politics，Father（aveteranpolitician）：“A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one．”

Young hopeful：“Well then，what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours？” Father：“A convert，my son．”

有希望的青年人：“父亲，什么叫政治叛徒？” 父亲（一位老资格的政治家）：“叛徒指的是离开我们党而加入到另一个党的人。”

有希望的青年人：“那么，离开他的党而加入到我们党的人又叫什么呢？” 父亲：“叫改变信仰者。我的儿子。”

5、I do not know the reason why some people want to get up late. They will never have the opportunity to enjoy (of enjoying) the fresh air and calmness of the morning.

This is indeed a quite regrettable thing.To rise early is a good habit (which) we should cultivate. Why? Because the best time when we can pursue our studies is in the morning.

In addition, early rising is also good to our health. I hope that everybody our knows the reason why we must rise early.

我不知道某些人要晚起的理由。他们永不会有机会来享受早晨的新鲜空气和宁静。

这真是一件 发令人遗憾的事情。早起是我们应该养成的一种良好习惯。为什么？因为早晨是我们从事学业的大好时间。

再者，早起对我们健康也有益处。我希望每个人应该知道我们必须早起的理由。

很短的英语小笑话是什么？

很短的英语小笑话就是用英语表达出来一句有意思的小笑话。

例句：

1、医生问病人是怎么骨折的。病人说，我觉得鞋里有沙子，就扶着电线杆抖鞋。tmd有个**经过那里，以为我触电了，便抄起木棍给了我两棍子。

The doctor asked the patient how the fracture happened. The patient said, I felt there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes by holding the electric pole. TMD an asshole passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he took a stick and gave me two sticks.

2、生物课上，老师问：“如何才能正确分辨章鱼的手和脚？”学生答：“放个屁给它闻，会捂住鼻子的就是手，其他的就是脚。“全班皆倒。

In biology class, the teacher asked, "how can we correctly distinguish the hands and feet of octopus?" The student replied, "put a fart and **ell it. It's the hands that cover the nose and the others are the feet." the whole class fell down.

3、一人上班老是放响屁，同事忍不住说：“你能不能不出声？”然后便见他坐在那抖个不停。同事问他在干什么，他答：“我现在已经调成振动啦！”

A person always farts at work, and his colleagues can't help saying, "can you keep quiet?" Then I saw him sitting there shaking. When his colleague asked him what he was doing, he replied, "I've adjusted to vibration now!"

4、女人一生最喜欢两朵花：一是有钱花，二是尽量花。

Women like two flowers most in their life: one is to spend money, and the other is to spend as much as possible.

5、俗话说：你笑，全世界都跟着你笑；你哭，全世界只有你一个人哭。

As the saying goes: if you laugh, the whole world laughs with you; You cry, you are the only one crying in the world.

英语短笑话大全

冷笑话不同于一般的笑话，以其独特的制笑机制，能瞬间制造出一种特殊氛围。我精心收集了英语短笑话，供大家欣赏学习!

英语短笑话篇1

Little boy: Daddy, I want to get married.

小男孩：爸爸，我想结婚。

Father jokingly said: Oh! Who did you have in mind?

爸爸打趣地问道：噢!谁是你心中合适的人选?

Little boy: Grandma.

小男孩：奶奶。

Father: Wait a minute, you did not think I'd let you marry my mother, did you?

爸爸：等一下，你认为我会让你娶我的妈妈?

Little boy: Why not? You married mine.

小男孩：为什么不?你娶了我的妈妈。

英语短笑话篇2

As a band instructor at an elementary school, I require my students to turn in practice sheets signed by their parents so I can be sure they are putting in enough time.

作为一个小学的乐队指挥，为了确保学生投入足够的时间练习，我要求他们上交由他们父母签字的练习单。

I had to laugh, however, when one parent wrote on her child's sheet, "Practiced 17 minutes, but it seemed like hours.

可是有一次，一位家长的签字把我逗乐了。练习单上写着：“练习了17分钟，但犹如几个时辰。”

英语短笑话篇3

A dog owner claimed that his pet, when given money, would go to the news stall to buy a paper. his friend insisted on a demonstration and handed the dog some money - the dog trotted off, but an hour later he had still not returned with the paper.

一位养狗人宣称：要是给了爱犬钱，它便会到卖报亭买份报纸来。他的朋友坚持要来个演示，并给了狗一些钱。狗一溜小跑着去了。但一个小时过去了，仍不见它带报纸回来。

"how much did you give him?" asked the owner.

一位养狗人宣称：要是给了爱犬钱，它便会到卖报亭买份报纸来。他的朋友坚持要来个演示，并给了狗一些钱。狗一溜小跑着去了。但一个小时过去了，仍不见它带报纸回来。

"five dollars.

“五元。”

"well, that explains it. when you give him five dollars, he goes to a movie.

"这就是了。你给它五元钱时，它就去看电影。

英语短笑话篇4

Gravely ill, a man went to the doctor with his wife. After the examination the physician motioned for the wife to meet him in the hallway.

一个人得了重病，妻子伴随他去看医生。检查过后，医生示意病人的妻子到走廊见他。

"Your hu**and is very sick, " the doctor said, "but there are three things you can do to ensure his survival. First, fix him three healthful, delicious meals a day. Next, give him a stress-free environment , and don't complain about anything. Finally, make passionate love to him every day.“

你丈夫病得很重，”医生说，“但有三件事可保住他的性命。第一，一日三餐，要营养美味。第二，给他一个轻松的环境，不要抱怨。第三，每天都对他倾注炽热的爱。”

On the drive home the hu**and asked, "What did the doctor say?"

在驱车回家的路上，丈夫问道：“医生说了什么?”

"I'm sorry, " she said, "but you're not going to make it.“

很遗憾，“你活不成了。”