帮忙找下1到3分钟的英语小故事

1.约会

When the young waitress in the café in Tom's building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"

"Why, yes," Tom replied, **iling at her broadly.

"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"

约会

在汤姆工作的大楼里有一个咖啡屋，那儿总有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。汤姆有些受宠若惊，因为这位小姐看上去至少比他年轻15岁。一天她又对汤姆招手并示意汤姆过去。于是汤姆走了过去。她问道，“您现在是单身吗？” “对，是单身，”汤姆满脸堆笑的说。 “我母亲也是，”她说，“您愿不愿意见见她？”

A Soldier's Brilliant Idea

Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.

When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.

Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the whole trip.

英语幽默：士兵坐飞机有美女陪伴的高招

由于生意方面的事，罗宾逊先生得出趟门。因为有点紧急，他决定坐飞机。乘机旅行时，他喜欢靠窗坐，故而一登机，他就寻找一个靠窗的座位。他发现只有一个靠窗的座位还空着。在那空座位边坐着一名士兵。令罗宾逊先生纳闷的是，这位士兵没有坐靠窗的位置。罗宾逊先生不管那些，他马上径直朝那个空座位走去。

然而，等到了那儿，他看见座位上有则启事，是用钢笔写的：“为保持装载平衡，特预设该位置，谢谢合作。”罗宾逊先生还从来没有在飞机上见过如此不同寻常的启事。不过，他想飞机上一定装了什么特别重的物品，于是他找了个不靠窗的位置。

又有两三个乘客试图坐在那个士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他们看到那则启事就走开了。当快满座时，一位非常美丽的姑娘匆匆走进机舱。一直在注意进舱旅客的那个士兵赶紧拿掉他旁边空座位上的启事。士兵用这种办法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。

Girl, Please Fall in Love with Me

After the self-study class at night, I opened the computer. I sorted out the male net friends to the Frog Concentration Camp and several unlovely girls I’ve seen to the Dinosaur Concentration Camp. Then I began chatting with the three girls left.

Me: Honey, let’s fall in love!

Talented girl: OK. Are you a Party member?

Me: No, I’m not.

Talented girl: Are you a League member?

Me: Well, no.

Talented girl: Well, are you a member of China Young Pioneers?

Me: I used to be one many years ago. But why do you bother asking such questions?

Talented girl: Then I can’t promise you. At all events, I’m the team leader of our class.

…

Recalling the painful experience, I still have two girls to chat with.

Me: Girl, let’s fall in love!

Lonely girl: Good. After all, I can fall in love.

Me: Well, didn’t you love someone before?

Lonely girl: No. They always said I was a dinosaur.

Me: Umm, in this case, we’d better break up at the moment.

Lonely girl: No, I don’t agree. It’s my first love…

55555555555…

Now the last girl left, I would especially cherish her.

Me: Girl, don’t you want to fall in love with me?

Jiaojiao: I think it’s OK, but I’d like to ask for my father’s advice.

Me: My God! You asked your father this kind of thing? You surely don’t have your own definite idea!

Jiaojiao: It’s not like that. I am just 5 years old and haven’t learnt to type. It is my father who types for me.

Me: …

Then I said: Hello, uncle.

美眉，我们网恋吧

晚自习归来，我打开电脑，把男网友全部归到青蛙集中营里，把几个见过不漂亮的女网友归到恐龙集中营。剩下的三个美眉还要再聊聊。

我说：美眉我们网恋吧！

小才女说：好呀。你是党员吗？

我说：不是。

小才女说：那你是团员吗？

我说：不是。

小才女说：那你是少先队员吗？

我说：很多年以前就不是了，你问这些做什么？

小才女说：那可不行，我可是我们班的小组长呢。

我无语。

痛定思痛，还有两个MM可以聊。

我说：美眉我们网恋吧！

小孤女说：好呀，终于恋爱了。

我说：怎么，以前没有恋爱过吗？

小孤女说：没有，他们总说我是恐龙。

我说：哦，这样，那我们分手，就现在。

小孤女说：不，我不同意，这是我的初恋，55555555555……

还剩最后一个美眉，我倍加珍惜。

我说：美眉，我们网恋吧！

娇娇：好呀，不过我要问问我爸爸。

我说：天哪，这事你问你爸爸？你自己那么没主见呀?！

娇娇：不是呀，我今年才5岁，还不会打字，刚才是我爸爸替我打字啊。

我说：……

我再说：叔叔好。

英文竟能说得如此搞笑

a.小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？小明说：你没听老师说“去你个头”啊！

b.一对热恋中的男女。女生非常没有安全感，于是对着男友说：“SAY I LOVE YOU!! SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!”

男的答道：“IT!”

c.一位在美的留学生，想要考国际驾照。在考试时因为过于紧张，看到地上标线是向左转。

他不放心的问道:turn left？

监考官回答：right。于是他立刻向右转……

d.某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，忙说：I am sorry。

老外应道：I am sorry too。

某人听后又道：I am sorry three。

老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?

某人无奈，道：I am sorry five。

爆笑：昨天夜里我爸妈表演“混合双打”

Teacher of Physical Education: Have you ever seen mixed doubles，boys？

体育老师：孩子们，你们见过男女混合双打吗？

Nick: Yes，sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.

尼克：见过，老师，经常见。就在昨天夜里我还见过呢！

Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.

老师：那你给大家讲讲当时的情形吧。

Nick: Oh，sorry，sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.”

尼克：啊，对不起，老师。我爸爸常说:“家丑不可外扬。”

Camera

On our way to a wedding in Vermont, my hu**and and I realized we had forgotten our camera. We stopped at a general store and, hoping to purchase a cheap, disposable model. Sal asked the owner, "Do you have any of those throwaway cameras?"

"Look, fella," replied the owner, "I don't care what you do with it after you buy it.

照相机

在前往威蒙特参加一个婚礼的路上，我和丈夫意识到我们忘了带照相机。我们在一家百货商店门前停了下来，希望能够买到一种便宜的，一次性照相机。萨尔问店主：“你们有那种用了就扔的照相机吗？”

“我说，小伙子，”店主回答说，“我可不管你买了之后怎么处理它。”

急求一篇很感人的或者幽默的英文故事，大约3—4分钟

Treasure Starfish----珍贵的海星

Once upon a time there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day he was walking along the shore. As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He **iled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day. So he began to walk faster to catch up.As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn't dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean.As he got closer he called out, "Good morning! What are you doing?"The young man paused, looked up and replied, "Throwing starfish in the ocean.""I guess I should have asked, why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?""The sun is up, and the tide is going out. And if I don't throw them in they'll die.""But, young man, don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach, andstarfish all along it? You can't possibly make a difference!"The young manlistened politely, then bent down, picked another starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves and said,"It made a difference for that one."There is something very special in each and every one of us. We have all been gifted with the ability to make a difference. And if we can become aware of that gift, we gain through the strength of our visions the power to shape the future. We must each find our starfish. And if we throw our stars wisely and well, the world will be blessed.从前有一位哲人常到海边去写作。他有个习惯，就是开始前要到海边散步。有一天，他正沿着岸边走顺着海边向远处看时，看到个人，那人的动作看起来像是位舞蹈演员在跳舞。他很高兴，以为今天正好能看到有人跳舞。于是他加快步伐以免错过。当靠近之后，才看清是一个年轻人，他不是在跳舞，而是弯下腰来，从海滩上捡着什么轻轻地扔到海里。他走近了说：“早上好！你在做什么？”这个年轻人停了下来，抬起头回答道：“把海星扔进海里。”“我想我问的是，为什么你要把海星扔进海里？”“太阳升起来了，潮就要退了，如果不把它们扔进海里，它们将会死去。”“但是年轻人，难道你没有看到这长长的海滩上面布满了海星。你起不到什么作用的！”年轻人有礼貌地听着又捡起一只海星扔进了海里，走了过来，他说道：“对于那一只就起作用了。”我们每一个人都有特别的地方，我们都被赋予了发挥某些作用的能力。如果我们能意识到那种天赋，就会通过我们的想象力，获得改变未来的力量。我们必须找到我们的海星，如果我们明智而恰当地把我们的海星扔进了海里，那么这个世界就得到了祝福

英语幽默小故事7篇

若是你在 学习英语 的过程中感到很枯燥，不妨来读一些英语幽默小 故事 放松放松。英语幽默故事简短，内容诙谐幽默，情节生动有趣，相信在你在阅读的同时也可以一起学习英语哦。这次我给大家整理了英语幽默小故事，供大家阅读参考。

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英语幽默小故事1

My hu**and，Michael，a bus driver，was passing a deserted bus stop when one of his passengers called out that a woman wanted to get on. He pulled up to the curb and opened the doors.

我丈夫，麦克是个开大巴士的。一次当他刚要开过一个无人上下车的车站时，一位乘客喊过有位老妇人要上车。麦克把车停靠在马路边，打开了车门。

After a minute，Michael saw an elderly woman with a cane crossing the street slowly.

过了足有一分钟，麦克才见到一位老太太拄着拐杖，慢腾腾地过着马路朝车子走来。

He waited patiently as she made her way to the bus and climbed the steps.

麦克衬心地等她来到汽车旁上着台阶。While she was looking in her purse for her bus pass，he began to close the doors.”Wait a minute!”she snapped."My mother's coming.”

趁老太太打开钱包找月票的工夫，麦克欲关门，老妇人阻止道:“等一会，我妈妈还在后面呢!”

英语幽默小故事2

Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."

Bernie应邀来到他的朋友Morris家吃晚餐。在朋友家，Bernie发现，不管问他老婆什么问题，Morris总要在每句话的前面加上一些亲密的称呼，象蜜糖，我的爱人，亲爱的，甜心等等。Bernie对Morris说，“你们夫妻俩真够亲密的，结婚这么多年了，你还叫她叫得那么亲密。”Morris低下头，小声地对Bernie说，“老实跟你说吧，三年前我忘记老婆的真名是什么了。”

英语幽默小故事3

Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them. One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?" His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."

两个男人正在穿过丛林，突然，一只老虎出现在远处，向他们冲来。 其中的一个人从包里拿出一双“耐克”鞋，开始穿上。另一个人惊奇地看着他说，“你以为穿上这个就可以跑得过老虎吗?” 他的朋友回答道：“我不用跑得过它，我只要跑得比你快就行了。”

英语幽默小故事4

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

一个女孩去 拜访 她的金发朋友，这个朋友最近养了两只“狗”，于是女孩问道：“它们叫什么名字呀?”

The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

金发朋友说，一只叫Rolex，另一只叫Timex。

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?

女孩说：“哪有狗狗叫这个名字的。”

"HELLLOOOOOOO..." answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"

“那个……”金发朋友说。“他们是监视器!”

英语幽默小故事5

Too Much Pressure

For a couple years I’ve been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job，but now I found out the real reason：I’m tired because I’m overworked.The population of this country is 237 million.104 million are retired.That leaves 133 million to do the work.There are 85 million in school，which leaves 48 million to do the work.Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government，leaving 19 million to do the work.2.8 million are in the Armed Forces，which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.Take from the total the 14.8 million people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.At any given time there are 188，000 people in hospitals，leaving 1，212，000 to do the work.Now，there are 1，211，998 people in prisons.That leaves just two people to do the work.You and me.And you’re sitting at the table reading jokes.

压力太大

多年以来我一直感到很疲惫，我曾经把原因归咎为缺乏睡眠以及来自于工作上的巨大压力。但是，我现在找到了真正的原因：我感到疲倦是因为我超负荷工作。我们这个国家有2.37亿人口。其中1.04亿已经退休了。还剩下1.33亿在工作。有8，500万人还在上学，工作的就剩下4，800万。这其中还有2，900万联邦政府雇员，真正做事的就剩1，900万人，又有280万人在服兵役，就剩下1，620万人在工作。从中再去掉各州和市政府的雇员1，480万人，还剩下140万人工作。但又有18.8万人生病住院，现在只剩下121.2万人工作。其中1，211，998人在坐牢。这样仅剩下两个人在工作，就是你和我。而你却坐在桌边看笑话。

英语幽默小故事6

Top 9 Reasons to Study Economics

Economists are armed and dangerous: "Watch out for our invisible hands."

Economists can supply it on demand .

You can talk about money without ever having to make any.

You get to say "trickle down" with a straight face .

Mick Jagger and Arnold Schwarzenegger both studied economics and look how they turned out .

When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there.

If you rearrange the letters in "ECONOMICS", you get "COMIC NOSE".

Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward , in economics we get taught that reward is its own virtue.

When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching the law of diminishing marginal utility.

学习经济学的九大理由

经济学家们会武功：“小心我们的无影手。”

经济学家们能够做到有求必应。

你可以不必挣钱而对金钱夸夸其谈。

你可以开始拉着脸说“涓滴”这一术语了。

米克·贾格尔和阿诺德·施瓦辛格两人都学过经济学，看看他们后来都成为了什么样的人物。

站在失业队伍里的时候，至少你会知道自己为什么失业。

假如重新安排“经济学”这个词包含的字母，你得到的是“小丑的鼻子”。

伦理学教导我们坚守德行本身即是回报，在经济学中我们得到的教导则是获得回报本身即是德行。

喝醉了的时候，你可以告诉所有人你只是在体验边际效用递减规律而已。

英语幽默小故事7

Nobel Prize in Economics

Economics is the only field in which two people can get a Nobel Prize for saying exactly the opposite thing.

Or Economics is the only field in which two people can share a Nobel Prize for saying opposing things. Specifically, Myrdal and Hayek shared one.

(A rumor has it that there was a similar case in neuroscience, Golgi and Cajal, maybe economists are not so different!)

诺贝尔经济学奖

两个持完全不同观点的人都能够获得诺贝尔奖，这种情况只有在经济学领域才会发生。

或者两个持完全不同观点的人能够分享诺贝尔奖，这种情况也只有在经济学领域才会发生。具体而言，缪尔达尔和哈耶克就是如此。

(有传言称在神经科学领域也有类似情形，比如戈尔吉和卡哈尔，所以经济学家也许并非那么另类。)

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三分钟以内的英语小故事

翅 膀

一天，我工作的炸鸡店在关门前出现了一阵抢购狂潮，结果除了鸡翅外所有的东西都卖完了。当我正准备锁门时，一名喝醉了的旅客进来要进餐。我问他翅膀行不行，他从柜台上靠过身子来，回答道：“女士，我到这儿来是吃东西的，不是要飞！”

Wings

The fried-chicken restaurant where I was working had a big rush just before closing one day, leaving us with nothing to sell but wings. As I was about to lock the doors, aa quietly intoxicated customer came in and ordered dinner. When I asked if wings would be all right, he leaned over the counter and replied, "Lady, I came in here to eat, not fly."

真的是太多了：

这是保存在我的电脑里的哦

A Brother Like That

A friend of mine named Paul received an automobile from his brother as a Christmas present. On Christmas Eve when Paul came out of his office, a street urchin was walking around the shiny new car, admiring it.

"Is this your car, Mister?" he said.

Paul nodded. "My brother gave it to me for Christmas." The boy was astounded. "You mean your brother gave it to you and it didn’t cost you nothing? Boy, I wish . . ." He hesitated.

Of course Paul knew what he was going to wish for. He was going to wish he had a brother like that. But what the lad said jarred Paul all the way down to his heels.

"I wish," the boy went on, "That I could be a brother

like that."

Paul looked at the boy in astonishment, then impulsively he added, "Would you like to take a ride in my car?"

"Oh yes, Id love that."

After a short ride, the boy turned with his eyes aglow, said, "Mister, would you mind driving in front of my house?"

Paul **iled a little. He thought he knew what the lad wanted. He wanted to show his neighbors that he could ride home in a big automobile. But Paul was wrong again. "Will you stop where those two steps are?" the boy asked.

He ran up the steps. Then in a little while Paul heard him coming back, but he was not coming fast. He was carrying his little crippled brother. He sat him down on the bottom step, then sort of squeezed up against him and pointed to the car.

"There she is, Buddy, just like I told you upstairs. His brother gave it to him for Christmas and it didn’t cost him a cent. And some day Im gonna give you one just like it . . . then you can see for yourself all the pretty things in the Christmas windows that Ive been trying to tell you about."

Paul got out and lifted the lad to the front seat of his car. The shining-eyed older brother climbed in beside him and the three of them began a memorable holiday ride. That Christmas Eve, Paul learned what Jesus meant when he said: "It is more blessed to give . . . "

内容：

哥哥的心愿

圣诞节时，保罗的哥哥送他一辆新车。圣诞节当天，保罗离开办公室时，一个男孩绕着那辆闪闪发亮的新车，十分赞叹地问：

"先生，这是你的车？"

保罗点点头："这是我哥哥送给我的圣诞节礼物。"男孩满脸惊讶，支支吾吾地说："你是说这是你哥送的礼物，没花你一分钱？天哪，我真希望也能……"

保罗当然知道男孩他真想希望什么。他希望能有一个象那样的哥哥。但是小男孩接下来说的话却完全出乎了保罗的意料。

"我希望自己能成为送车给弟弟的哥哥。"男孩继续说。

保罗惊愕地看着那男孩，冲口而出地说："你要不要坐我的车去兜风？"

"哦，当然好了，我太想坐了！"

车开了一小段路后，那孩子转过头来，眼睛闪闪发亮，对我说："先生，你能不能把车子开到我家门前？"

保罗微笑，他知道孩子想干什么。那男孩必定是要向邻居炫耀，让大家知道他坐了一部大轿车回家。但是这次保罗又猜错了。"你能不能把车子停在那两个台阶前？"男孩要求道。

男孩跑上了阶梯，过了一会儿保罗听到他回来了，但动作似乎有些缓慢。原来把他跛脚的弟弟带出来了，将他安置在第一个台阶上，紧紧地抱着他，指着那辆新车。

只听那男孩告诉弟弟："你看，这就是我刚才在楼上对你说的那辆新车。这是保罗他哥哥送给他的哦！将来我也会送给你一辆像这样的车，到那时候你就能自己去看那些在圣诞节时，挂窗口上的漂亮饰品了，就象我告诉过你的那样。"

保罗走下车子，把跛脚男孩抱到车子的前座。兴奋得满眼放光的哥哥也爬上车子，坐在弟弟的身旁。就这样他们三人开始一次令人难忘的假日兜风。

那个圣诞夜，保罗才真正体会主耶稣所说的"施比受更有福"的道理。

A man came home form work late, tired and found his 5 years old son waiting for him at the door. "Daddy, may I ask you a question?" "Yeah, sure, what is it?" replied the man. "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?" "If you must know, I make $20 an hour."" Oh," The little boy replied, with his head down, looking up, he said, "Daddy, may I please borrow $10" the father was furious, "If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy, then you go to bed." The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down. And started to think. Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $10 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.” Are you asleep, son?" he asked. "no daddy," replied the boy. "I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier." said the man, "Here's the $10 you asked for." the little boy sat straight up, **iling. "Oh, thank you daddy!" he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at his father. "Why do you want more money? Is you already have some?" the father asked. "Because I didn't have enough, but now I do.”The little boy repiied, "Daddy , I have $20 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you."

Little Red Riding Hood

Once upon a time there was a dear little girl who was loved by everyone who looked at her, but most of all by her grandmother, and there was nothing that she would not have given to the child. Once she gave her a little riding hood of red velvet, which suited her so well that she would never wear anything else; so she was always called 'Little Red Riding Hood.'

One day her mother said to her: 'Come, Little Red Riding Hood, here is a piece of cake and a bottle of wine; take them to your grandmother, she is ill and weak, and they will do her good. Set out before it gets hot, and when you are going, walk nicely and quietly and do not run off the path, or you may fall and break the bottle, and then your grandmother will get nothing; and when you go into her room, don't forget to say, "Good morning", and don't peep into every corner before you do it.'

'I will take great care,' said Little Red Riding Hood to her mother, and gave her hand on it.

The grandmother lived out in the wood, half a league from the village, and just as Little Red Riding Hood entered the wood, a wolf met her. Red Riding Hood did not know what a wicked creature he was, and was not at all afraid of him.

'Good day, Little Red Riding Hood,' said he.

'Thank you kindly, wolf.'

'Whither away so early, Little Red Riding Hood?'

'To my grandmother's.'

'What have you got in your apron?'

'Cake and wine; yesterday was baking-day, so poor sick grandmother is to have something good, to make her stronger.'

'Where does your grandmother live, Little Red Riding Hood?'

'A good quarter of a league farther on in the wood; her house stands under the three large oak-trees, the nut-trees are just below; you surely must know it,' replied Little Red Riding Hood.

The wolf thought to himself: 'What a tender young creature! what a nice plump mouthful - she will be better to eat than the old woman. I must act craftily, so as to catch both.'

So he walked for a short time by the side of Little Red Riding Hood, and then he said: 'See, Little Red Riding Hood, how pretty the flowers are about here - why do you not look round? I believe, too, that you do not hear how sweetly the little birds are singing; you walk gravely along as if you were going to school, while everything else out here in the wood is merry.'

2

Little Red Riding Hood raised her eyes, and when she saw the sunbeams dancing here and there through the trees, and pretty flowers growing everywhere, she thought: 'Suppose I take grandmother a fresh nosegay; that would please her too. It is so early in the day that I shall still get there in good time.'

So she ran from the path into the wood to look for flowers. And whenever she had picked one, she fancied that she saw a still prettier one farther on, and ran after it, and so got deeper and deeper into the wood.

Meanwhile the wolf ran straight to the grandmother's house and knocked at the door.

'Who is there?'

'Little Red Riding Hood,' replied the wolf. 'She is bringing cake and wine; open the door.'

'Lift the latch,' called out the grandmother, 'I am too weak, and cannot get up.'

The wolf lifted the latch, the door sprang open, and without saying a word he went straight to the grandmother's bed, and devoured her. Then he put on her clothes, dressed himself in her cap, laid himself in bed and drew the curtains.

Little Red Riding Hood, however, had been running about picking flowers, and when she had gathered so many that she could carry no more, she remembered her grandmother, and set out on the way to her.

She was surprised to find the cottage-door standing open, and when she went into the room, she had such a strange feeling that she said to herself: 'Oh dear! how uneasy I feel today, and at other times I like being with grandmother so much.' She called out: 'Good morning,' but received no answer; so she went to the bed and drew back the curtains. There lay her grandmother with her cap pulled far over her face, and looking very strange.

'Oh! grandmother,' she said, 'what big ears you have!'

'All the better to hear you with, my child,' was the reply.

'But, grandmother, what big eyes you have!' she said.

'All the better to see you with, my dear.'

'But, grandmother, what large hands you have!'

'All the better to hug you with.'

'Oh! but, grandmother, what a terrible big mouth you have!'

'All the better to eat you with!'

And scarcely had the wolf said this, than with one bound he was out of bed and swallowed up Red Riding Hood.

3

When the wolf had appeased his appetite, he lay down again in the bed, fell asleep and began to snore very loud.

The hunt**an was just passing the house, and thought to himself: 'How the old woman is snoring! I must just see if she wants anything.' So he went into the room, and when he came to the bed, he saw that the wolf was lying in it.

'Do I find you here, you old sinner!' said he. 'I have long sought you!' But just as he was going to fire at him, it occurred to him that the wolf might have devoured the grandmother, and that she might still be saved, so he did not fire, but took a pair of scissors, and began to cut open the stomach of the sleeping wolf.

When he had made two snips, he saw the little red riding hood shining, and then he made two snips more, and the little girl sprang out, crying: 'Ah, how frightened I have been! How dark it was inside the wolf.'

After that the aged grandmother came out alive also, but scarcely able to breathe. Red Riding Hood, however, quickly fetched great stones with which they filled the wolf's belly, and when he awoke, he wanted to run away, but the stones were so heavy that he collapsed at once, and fell dead.

Then all three were delighted. The hunt**an drew off the wolf's skin and went home with it; the grandmother ate the cake and drank the wine which Red Riding Hood had brought, and revived. But Red Riding Hood thought to herself: 'As long as I live, I will never leave the path by myself to run into the wood, when my mother has forbidden me to do so.'

It is also related that once, when Red Riding Hood was again taking cakes to the old grandmother, another wolf spoke to her, and tried to entice her from the path. Red Riding Hood, however, was on her guard, and went straight forward on her way, and told her grandmother that she had met the wolf, and that he had said 'good morning' to her, but with such a wicked look in his eyes, that if they had not been on the public road she was certain he would have eaten her up.

4

'Well,' said the grandmother, 'we will shut the door, so that he can not come in.'

Soon afterwards the wolf knocked, and cried: 'Open the door, grandmother, I am Little Red Riding Hood, and am bringing you some cakes.'

But they did not speak, or open the door, so the grey-beard stole twice or thrice round the house, and at last jumped on the roof, intending to wait until Red Riding Hood went home in the evening, and then to steal after her and devour her in the darkness. But the grandmother saw what was in his thoughts.

In front of the house was a great stone trough, so she said to the child: 'Take the pail, Red Riding Hood; I made some sausages yesterday, so carry the water in which I boiled them to the trough.'

Red Riding Hood carried until the great trough was quite full. Then the **ell of the sausages reached the wolf, and he sniffed and peeped down, and at last stretched out his neck so far that he could no longer keep his footing and began to slip, and slipped down from the roof straight into the great trough, and was drowned. But Red Riding Hood went joyously home, and no one ever did anything to harm her again.

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off.

She started with "This was England's finest hour."

Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said, "Winston Churchill."

"Congratulations!" Said the teacher, "You may go home."

The teacher then said, "Ask not what your country can do for you."

Before she could finish this quote, another young lady belts out, "John F.Kennedy".

"Very good," says the teacher, "you may go."

Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnny said,"I wish those girls would just shut up."

Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know who said it.

Johnny instantly rose to his feet and said,"Bill Clinton. I'll see you Monday."

英语报上也可以去找找，百度上搜索也会有很多

希望这能帮到你(*^__^*) 嘻嘻……

约3分钟的英语小故事，简单点

1.约会

When the young waitress in the café in Tom's building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"

"Why, yes," Tom replied, **iling at her broadly.

"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"

约会

在汤姆工作的大楼里有一个咖啡屋，那儿总有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。汤姆有些受宠若惊，因为这位小姐看上去至少比他年轻15岁。一天她又对汤姆招手并示意汤姆过去。于是汤姆走了过去。她问道，“您现在是单身吗？” “对，是单身，”汤姆满脸堆笑的说。 “我母亲也是，”她说，“您愿不愿意见见她？”

A Soldier's Brilliant Idea

Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.

When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.

Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the whole trip.

英语幽默：士兵坐飞机有美女陪伴的高招

由于生意方面的事，罗宾逊先生得出趟门。因为有点紧急，他决定坐飞机。乘机旅行时，他喜欢靠窗坐，故而一登机，他就寻找一个靠窗的座位。他发现只有一个靠窗的座位还空着。在那空座位边坐着一名士兵。令罗宾逊先生纳闷的是，这位士兵没有坐靠窗的位置。罗宾逊先生不管那些，他马上径直朝那个空座位走去。

然而，等到了那儿，他看见座位上有则启事，是用钢笔写的：“为保持装载平衡，特预设该位置，谢谢合作。”罗宾逊先生还从来没有在飞机上见过如此不同寻常的启事。不过，他想飞机上一定装了什么特别重的物品，于是他找了个不靠窗的位置。

又有两三个乘客试图坐在那个士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他们看到那则启事就走开了。当快满座时，一位非常美丽的姑娘匆匆走进机舱。一直在注意进舱旅客的那个士兵赶紧拿掉他旁边空座位上的启事。士兵用这种办法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。

英文竟能说得如此搞笑

a.小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？小明说：你没听老师说“去你个头”啊！

b.一对热恋中的男女。女生非常没有安全感，于是对着男友说：“SAY I LOVE YOU!! SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!”

男的答道：“IT!”

c.一位在美的留学生，想要考国际驾照。在考试时因为过于紧张，看到地上标线是向左转。

他不放心的问道:turn left？

监考官回答：right。于是他立刻向右转……

d.某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，忙说：I am sorry。

老外应道：I am sorry too。

某人听后又道：I am sorry three。

老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?

某人无奈，道：I am sorry five。

爆笑：昨天夜里我爸妈表演“混合双打”

Teacher of Physical Education: Have you ever seen mixed doubles，boys？

体育老师：孩子们，你们见过男女混合双打吗？

Nick: Yes，sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.

尼克：见过，老师，经常见。就在昨天夜里我还见过呢！

Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.

老师：那你给大家讲讲当时的情形吧。

Nick: Oh，sorry，sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.”

尼克：啊，对不起，老师。我爸爸常说:“家丑不可外扬。”

Camera

On our way to a wedding in Vermont, my hu**and and I realized we had forgotten our camera. We stopped at a general store and, hoping to purchase a cheap, disposable model. Sal asked the owner, "Do you have any of those throwaway cameras?"

"Look, fella," replied the owner, "I don't care what you do with it after you buy it.

照相机

在前往威蒙特参加一个婚礼的路上，我和丈夫意识到我们忘了带照相机。我们在一家百货商店门前停了下来，希望能够买到一种便宜的，一次性照相机。萨尔问店主：“你们有那种用了就扔的照相机吗？”

“我说，小伙子，”店主回答说，“我可不管你买了之后怎么处理它。”

2.A farmer who lives in a **all village has a bad pain in the chest. This never seems to get any better. The farmer decides that he will go to see a doctor in the nearest town. But as he is a miserly person, he thinks he will find out what he will have to pay the doctor. He is told that a sick person has to pay three pounds for the first visit and one pound for the second visit. The farmer thinks about this for a long time, and then he decides to go to the doctor in the town.

As he comes into the doctor's room, he says ,"Good morning, doctor. Here I am again." The doctor is a little surprised. He asks him a few questions, checks his chest and then takes the pound which the farmer insists on him. Then the doctor says with a **ile,"well,sir, there's nothing new. Please go on taking the same medicine I give you the first time you come to see me."

3.Once a fox invited a stork to dinner. He put nothing on the table except some soup in a very shallow dish.

The fox could easily lap up the soup, but the stork could only wet the end of her long bill in it. When she left the meal, she was still very hungry. "I am sorry," said the fox, "the soup is not to your taste."

"Please do not apologize," said the stork. "I hope you will come to my house, and dine with me soon."

A few days later the fox visited the stork. He found that his food was put in a long bottle, and the mouth of the bottle was very narrow. He could not insert his big mouth into it, so he ate nothing.

"I will not apologize," said the stork. "One bad turn deserves another."

一次，狐狸请鹳来吃饭。他除了浅盘子中的一点汤以外，什么也没有准备。

狐狸可以轻而易举地喝到汤，但是鹳只够蘸湿他长长的嘴尖。吃完饭后，鹳仍旧很饥饿。"很抱歉！"狐狸说，"这汤不合你的口味"。

"别客气，"鹳说，"过几天请到我家来和我一起吃饭吧。"

几天后，狐狸应邀而至，他发现食物都装在一个长长的瓶子里，而瓶口很细，他无法将他的大嘴伸进去，什么也吃不到。

"我不想道歉，这是你应得的回报。"鹳说。

4.It was a cold winter day in 1919. A **all boy was walking along the street in London. His name was Tom. He was very hungry. He wanted to buy some bread, but he had no money. What could he do? When he was very young, he wanted to be a great man in the world of films. So he worked to sing and dance well. Thirty years later, the boy became one of the famous people in the world.

那是1919年的一个寒冷的冬天。一个小男孩正漫步在伦敦的街头。他的名字叫汤姆。他饿极了。他想买一些面包，可是他身无分文。他该怎么办呢？当他非常年幼的时候，他就想当一名电影世界中的伟人。所以他努力把歌唱好，把舞跳好。三十年之后，这个小男孩真地成为了电影世界中的著名人物之一。

英语幽默小故事（关于中学生早恋）

（一）

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

（二）

Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving

births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and

says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!

（三）

Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together."

The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished

for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow! That’s a big bridge...Fill it with water!!!

My Baby Swallowed a Bullet

Young Mother: "Doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet. What shall I do ?

Doctor: "Don't point him at anybody."

allybaby

Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly

fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed

to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile

phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said

calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then

the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and

next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"

fool_fox

I'm the boss

内容：The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local card and novelty shop and bought a **all sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"

Wife's picture

A busines**an enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks.

After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.

The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martinis all night long. But you go to tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."

The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife.When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."