一分钟英语小故事幽默搞笑

The Mean Man's Party 吝啬鬼的聚会 The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not ing empty-handed, are you?" 一个声名狼藉的小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了后，再用你的脚把门推开。” “为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢？” “天哪！” 吝啬鬼回答，“你总不会空着手来吧？” an old soldier often told his garden about his past war exploits. "once i met with a dozen enemy sol-diers and took them prisoners singlehand-ed." "it was half a dozen enemy soldiers when you told me the story last year.but why have you added so many more this time?" "you silly lad.you were younger last year,and i was afraid to frighten you." while wisiting the cemetery,a sorrowful couple noticed a headstone,which read,"here lies a lawyer and a honest nan"."look at that",the woman said,"money's so tight they're putting then o in a grave." lawyer jokes : a man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read, "here lies john kelly, a lawyer and an honest man." "how about that!" he exclaimed. "they've got three people buried in one grave." these are from a book called disorder in the court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

英文幽默故事 英语幽默小故事2则

1、英语幽默故事：Midway Tactics

Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.

The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, Gigantic Sale! and Super Bargains!

The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, Prices Slashed! and Fantastic Discounts!

The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, ENTRANCE.

幽默故事翻译：中间战术

三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。

右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”

左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”

中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。

2、英语幽默故事：Very Pleased to Meet You

During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.

One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other. Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.

Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.

Joan went there and said to the matron, I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys.

Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here, the matron said.

Oh, that‘s all right, answered Joan. I‘m his sister.

I‘m very pleased to meet you, the matron said, I‘m his mother!

幽默故事翻译：

在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。

一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，“我明天就要出国，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。”琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。

后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。

琼到了医院，她对护士长说，“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”

“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。

“噢，是的，”琼说，“我是他的妹妹。”

“很高兴认识你，”护士长说，“我是他的母亲。”

一分钟的有趣英语小故事

一分钟看完的有趣英语小故事：没有恐龙

The waiter left and returned quickly.“I'm sorry, sir，but we've just run out of a dinosaur.”

服务员离开了，又很快回来了。“对不起，先生，我们的恐龙菜刚卖完。”

" What?" said the diner with feigned disappointment."No dinosaur?"

“什么?”顾客气愤地说:“没有恐龙?”

The waiter lowered his voice. "Well，we do have some left，“he whispered confidentially,"...but it's not very fresh and I won't serve it!”

那服务员低声地说:“我们的确还剩一些。”他显得作常自信的样子。“但恐龙肉有点儿不太鲜了，所以我们还是不给您上这道菜的好。”

搞笑的英语小故事：Ice Fishing

A blond decides to go ice fishing one day. She takes her stool and her fishing pole onto the ice, and cuts a big hole. Then a voice says:

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE"

一个金发外国人决定要去冰上钓鱼。她拿上她的工具和钓鱼竿去了冰上，并凿出了一个大洞。然后听见一个声音说：

"冰～下～面～没～有～鱼!"

Perplexed, the blond moves her stool 100 feet, sits down again and goes to work cutting another hole. Again, the voice said:

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE"

这个外国人很疑惑，把她的工具挪动了100尺，再次坐下来，准备再凿一个洞的`时候。再一次地，有个声音说：

"冰～下～面～没～有～鱼!"

Clearly flustered, she moves the stool to one last spot, sits down, and picks up her auger. Again, the voice boomed:

"FOR THE LAST TIME, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE"

姑娘有点慌了，她将工具挪到最后这个点上，坐下来，拿起了她的螺丝钻。再一次地，声音响起：

“最～后～说～一～次!冰～下～面～没～有～鱼!”

Finally, she can't take it. She cries out, "God, is that you?"

她终于承受不住了，叫了出来，“是你吗?神?”

"NO, I'M THE OWNER OF THIS HOCKEY RINK"

“不，我是这个曲棍球冰场的主人。”

幽默英文小故事：Two dogs, please

Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, "I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."

两个苏格兰修女刚刚坐船来到美国，其中一个修女对另外一个说，“我听说这个国家的人们是吃狗肉的。”

"Odd," her companion replied, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

“真奇怪”，她的同伴回答道，“不过如果我们也生活在美国，我们可能会做一样的事情啊。”

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior pointed to a hot dog vendor and they both walked towards it.

这位年长修女认真地点了点头，指向了一个热狗摊，她们俩一同走了过去。

"Two dogs, please," said one.

“两只狗，谢谢。”一位说。

The vendor was only too pleased to oblige and he wrapped both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurried over to a bench and began to unwrap their 'dogs.'

摊贩主很开心，他把两个热狗都包了起来。两位修女飞快地到一个长凳上坐下，打开了她们的“狗”。

The mother superior was first to open hers, then, stared at it for a moment, leaned over to the other nun and whispered cautiously, "What part did you get?"

年长的修女先打开了她的，然后，仔细地凝视了一会，向另外一位修女靠了过去，小心地耳语道“你拿到哪个部分了?”

幽默简短的英语小故事

幽默简短的英语小故事 篇1

The Old Cat：An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.

Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."

幽默简短的英语小故事 篇2

Everybody dreams of doing something important. As a boy Raymond dreamed of being a scientist,infact, he is a postman now.

Raymond is an active young man. He live**y the saying“If you can't live the life you love, love the life you live”He greets everyone with a big **ileand afriendly“Hi, howare you?”And he really wants to know! It's hardto feel unhappy when we hear him whistling happily up and down the street.

幽默简短的'英语小故事 篇3

Not long after my sister's wedding，one of my father's colleagues and his wife dropped in to see Mom and Dad.The guests had not been invited to the wedding, so when the woman said，”I'm sorry I didn't get over to the church the other day，”Mom assumed she meant the church's Good Cheer Club Tea and Bazaar.

"I'rn glad you didn't.”Mom replied.”You never saw such a mob scene!""I thought I'd like to see how everyone was dressed，"the guest said."What did you wear?"

"Just my old navy print and my oxfords,“said Mom，"and a good thing，too，as we cleared almost a thousand dollars. "

"Did you take a collection?"the woman gasped.“

"Oh, no，“said Mom，"you know how it is，a lot of people come just to look and you don't make a thing out of them，so we decided to charge admission at the door.”

At this point Dad realized signals were crossed，and he suggested to Mom that she explain that my sister's wedding had been neither a mob scene nor a profit-making venture.

幽默简短的英语小故事 篇4

A big一city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted o be paid the fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. As soon as the rancher showed up, the attorney for the railroad pulled him aside and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check，the young lawyer couldn’t resist gloating a little over his success，telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man，but I put one over on you in there. I couldn’t have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn’t have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!”

The old rancher replied，"Well，I’11 tell you，young Teller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning.”

幽默简短的英语小故事 篇5

One day, Robin Hood went hunting alone in the forest. He had told his men that if he should fall into any danger and could not escape he would blow his horn so that they might know and come to help him. When he was crossing a river by a long bridge he met a huge man at the middle.

And neither of the two would give way to the other. Robin Hood got angry and put an arrow to his bow and made ready to shoot. The stranger said it was unfair for Robin Hood to shoot a man who had only a staff in his hand. Hearing this Robin Hood lay down his bow and pulled up a **all tree and returned to the stranger.

幽默简短的英语小故事 篇6

A farmer is wondering how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his sheepdog to count them. The dog runs into the field, counts them, and then runs back to his master.

"So," says the farmer. "How many sheep were there?"

"40," replies the dog.

"How can there be 40?" exclaims the farmer. "I only bought 38!"

"I know," says the dog. "But I rounded them up."

幽默简短的英语小故事 篇7

Many years afterreceivingmygraduatedegree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as afacultymember. One day in a crowdedelevator, someone remarked on itsinefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.

When the door finally opened, I felt acompassionatepaton my back, and turned to see an elderly nun **iling at me. "You'll get that degree, dear," shewhispered. "Perseverance is a virtue."

幽默简短的英语小故事 篇8

A newly married woman was sitting on a chair, looking vexed, when her hu**and came home. "What's up? Why do you look so troubled?" the hu**and asked. The woman replied, "I'm so sorry. I was ironing your new suit and

burned a hole in your trousers." And the man said, "That's all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same."

"Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair," the wife responded.

幽默简短的英语小故事 篇9

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc.

She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

幽默简短的英语小故事 篇10

The parents with their three-year-old son went to see film. When they walked into the cinema, the attendant said to them, “you’ll have to go out if your son cries. But we’ll refund you the tickets.”

About half an hour later, the hu**and asked his wife, “What do you think of the film?” “I’ve never seen such a boring film.” His wife answered. “It’s not worth seeing.” “I don’t think much of it, either.” The hu**and said. “Wake the child up and let him cry.”

幽默简短的英语小故事 篇11

A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a **all room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.

Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I should have brought my wife!"

幽默简短的英语小故事 篇12

Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before ， so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own **all phane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane.

His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.

After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as **all as ants, don't they?"

"Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground."

幽默简短的英语小故事 篇13

A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog cocked its leg, then urinated on its owner. Calmly, the blind man reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog. A passerby who'd seen everything remarked: "That’s extremely tolerant of you, especially after what he just did.”

"Not really，”came the reply. "I’m just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him in the nuts.”

幽默简短的英语小故事 篇14

Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he re- quested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing. Five minutes later, Jan came run- ping up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!”

"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"

"No,”she said，"I did better than that! I got the license plate number”

幽默简短的英语小故事 篇15

A famous game theorist, having won the Clark prize, was set to give aseries of lectures at prestigious universities throughout the northeast. For thetask, he hired a car and driver to take him from place to place . With nothing else to do, the driver would sit in on the highlytechnical lectures. After several lectures, the driver commented to theeconomist, "You know, I've heard your lecture so much that I think I coulddeliver it myself." The economist found this idea intriguing and decided toswitch places with him at his next lecture.

The driver gave the talk flawlessly. However, after the lecture, some onein the audience asked him a rather technical question that the driver had noidea how to even begin to answer. The driver considered it for a moment, andthen replied, "That question is so easy, even my driver can answer it."

幽默简短的英语小故事 篇16

The miserly millionaire called a family conference, “ I’m placing a box of money in the attic,” he said.” When I die, I intend to grab it on my way up to heaven. See to it that no one touches it until it’s my time too go.”

The family respected his wishes. After his death, the millionaire’s wife looked in the attic. The box was still there. “ THE FOOL!” she said. ”I told him he should have put it in the basement.”

关于英语小故事1分钟幽默

幼儿 英语 故事 对激发幼儿 学习英语 兴趣,培养幼儿的听、说及交际等诸方面的能力有着不可或缺的作用。我整理了关于1分钟幽默英语小故事，欢迎阅读!

关于1分钟幽默英语小故事篇一

A Jew, an Indian and a black were lined up to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

一位犹太人、一位印第安人和一位黑人列队进入天国之门。

Said the Jew to St. Peter, 66 Frankly, I'm rather surprised to be here. All my life Christians have despised and reviled me. "

那位犹太人对圣彼得说：“坦白讲，能到这里让我蛮惊讶的，我一辈子一直都受到__的轻视和侮辱。”

"That's a great sorrow to us," said St. Peter, "but you won-t find that kind of prejudice here. Here, all are truly equal. Just spell God and you may enter. "

“我们实在感到非常遗憾，”圣彼得说，“但我们这里没有那样的偏见，这里每个人都完全平等，只要拼出G。d这个词你就能进入天堂。”

Next,the Indian came forward and said,"St.Peter,all my life I suffered from poverty and discrimination,and could only live in a reservation.Will I truly be free here?"

那名犹太人正确地拼出 God后，被招入门内。 接着印第安人走向前说道“圣彼得，我一辈子饱受贫穷和种族歧视的打击，而且只能住在居留地内，我在这里能得到真正的自由吗?”

"My son, your troubles are over. Just spell the word God you will be free as a bird. "

“小兄弟，你的烦恼已经结束了，只要拼出God这个词，你就能像小鸟一样自由自在。”

The Indian obliged and he, too, entered the Heavenly Kingdom.

印第安人照着做，不久也被引入天堂。

Next, the black man strode forward. "St. Peter," he said, "all my life people looked down on me and treated me unfairly. That won't happen here, will it?"

接着那名黑人跨步向前，“圣彼得，”他说道，“一辈子人们都瞧不起我，不公平对待我，在这里那些事不会发生吧!”

"Of course not, my boy. We don't do that kind of thing here. Just spell" onomatopoeia "and the Kingdom of Heaven is yours "

“当然不会，我的弟兄，我们不会做那样的事，只要拼出onomatopoeia这个词，天堂之国就是你的了!”

关于1分钟幽默英语小故事篇二

The black couple already had eight children, and Lula May was pregnant with her ninth. Finally she convinced her hu**and to get a vasectomy.

一对黑人夫妇已有八个小孩，而鲁拉·梅又怀了第九个小孩,最后她说服了她先生去做男性绝育手术。

On the morning of the operation, she was surprised to see her hu**and putting on a tuxedo and getting into a limousine for the short ride to the hospital.

手术的早晨，她惊讶地看见她老公穿着礼服，乘坐一辆礼车到不远的医院去。

"Say, honey, what's all this about?" asked Lula May.

"亲爱的，这是怎么一回事啊?鲁拉·梅问道。"

"Baby, if you gonna be important, you gotta look important.

"宝贝，如果你想当名大人物的话，就要让人一看就知道你很重要!"

关于1分钟幽默英语小故事篇三

Smith was the manager of a construction',event)"construction company and was taking bids on a new project. The first bidder was a Polish company, and their representative offered to do the job for $ 400,000.

"That seems reasonable," said Smith. "Can you give me a breakdown on that?"

史密斯是一家建设公司的经理，他正负责一个新工程的招标案。第一位投标的是一家波兰公司，他们的代表出价四十万元接那个案子。“似乎很合理，”史密斯说。“你可不可以给我一张明细表呢?”

"Sure," said the Pole, " $200, 000 for labor and $ 200,000 for materials. "

“当然没问题，”波兰公司代表说道，“廿万元工资，廿万元材科费。”

Next to make a bid was the Standard American Construction',event)"Construction Company, which bid $ 800,000.

下一个出标的是美国标准建设公司，他们以八十万元竞标。

"Hmm, that seems a bit high," said Smith. "What's the breakdown?"

“嗯，这个价钱似乎有些偏高，”史密斯说道。“你们有明细表吗?’

" $ 400,000 0n materials, $ 400,000 0n labor. "

“四十万元材料，四十万元工资。”

"I'll get back to you. "

“我以后再同你联系。”

Finally the representative of Cohen, Goldstein and Leibowitz entered Smith's office.

最后可翰·高斯坦·雷伯威兹公司的代表走进史密斯办公室。“一百廿万元是我们竞标的价码，”代表说道。

" $ 1,200,000 is our bid," said the agent."$11 200, 0001 That' s way out of line," exclaimed Smith. "Can you give me a brea kdown on that?"

“一百廿万元这个标高得太过分了，”史密斯叫道：“你可以给我一张明细表吗?"

"No problem," replied the rep. " $400, 000 for me,$ 400 , 000 for you and $ 400 . 000 for the Polacks.

“没有问题，”代表回答道。“四十万元给我，四十万元给你，最后四十万元则给那家波兰佬开的公司。”

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